you know that feeling right? that feeling in the middle of your stomach, that feeling that is lettin' you know that something is wrong with your life. If it could speak the words would be: "this is not what I want... what is the purpose of my life anyway? You live most of you life in front of a pc screen and then? It is all over? It cannot be just like that".
Sometimes I feel like that.. Feeling that you can and want more from your life.
But
usually you repress that feeling finding excuses such as: "life works
this way, is not what everybody is supposed to do? You cannot have
everything... yeah right.. life works this way" and so on.
I
am today in this kind of mood, well I choose this work, I wanted it
and I got it. And I am grateful for this. The fact is that is job has
good promises for the future, brings food to the table, allows me to
live in a beautiful city and home and most important I can live with my
boyfriend (thing that I wanted for all last year).
The
fact is that I somehow feel that my life has no purpose, or better I think I could do something different with my life beyond
wake up, exercise, get dress (appropriately for work), go to work,
do repetitive stuff, lunch, work, do repetitive stuff, get home, find a
parking lot, make dinner, dinner, meditate, sleep. Someone, like my
lovely soul mate would say "honey this is the thing we call have a work
LIFE" ok, for someone this could be ok, but come on!! Why some people
work like three day a week get tons of money, work on thing that they
really loooove and have tons of fun?
Don
get me wrong, I kind of love my life. I am healthy, somehow beautiful,
have a job (not a small thing in the country I live), have a lovely
boyfriend that reads me Twilight books before bed (and no I am not 15
actually I am 28 if you are wondering), a nice house, some savings and
money to pay the rent. You see, when I read this last line I feel a
little guilty too, because I want more.. and I think "should I wanting
more than this? Am I not lucky enough to have all this stuff? Maybe I
just need to repress that feeling and be happy with what I want, my life
could be a lot worst… Something could be go very wrong if I want more,
somehow life will punish me to be greedy"…BUT I have read enough books
and have already felt the feeling of fulfillment that you have waking
up in the morning while doing something that you love to just give up
to my dreams, I know that everyone deserve to be happy and I have seen
it happen so… I WILL KEEP BELIEVE, I will keep to be grateful about my
life and to dream big, but most important to think at WHAT KIND OF
DREAM I WANT TO ACHIEVE.
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